Transmission #001

Closing in on week number one of mission "live to see thirty", sponsored by Nutrisystem. I'm not going to lie: this is tough...really tough. Transitioning from several thousand calories a day to about 1500 is, to put it lightly, a challange. I'm honestly not very optimistic right now. Im tired, I feel weak, and I'm hungry. Sometimes, I just wish I could start over. Assume a new body; a blank canvas, and just try again to not put myself in a situation where premature death is a very real possibility.
I feel dissapointed. Both in myself, and in a society with values that foster the lifestyle I have led up to this point. While I take FULL responsibility for the physical condition I am in, I can't help but think that a country where fast, and cheap trumps quality, and health is one that breeds the current epidemic of obesity. Im disappointed in myself for letting it get this bad. I can't help but ask why I almost had to die before deciding to make a drastic change.
I realize now how I have squandered so many of the amazing oppertunities I have been given. My entire family has been incredibly supportive my entire life. They are even paying for the Nutrisystem program that I'm currently on. Realizing all they have done for me, I am left with an overwellming feeling of guilt and depression. I'm an exceedingly lucky to have the support I have had my whole life, and I have done nothing to deserve it. Whats even worse, their effort fell on deaf, and ungrateful ears.
So here I am. 25 years old, 380 lbs, Im unemployed, and I live in a group home. This is not my life. This is the life of someone I have no respect for. A man of privlige, who has taken for granted, things that others only wish they had. I will change. I must change.